I am reaching the end of a year of change. Throughout the past year, I have relocated to another state, lost loved ones, sent another child off to the military, tackled a challenging new job, said goodbye to friends and family, and embraced a new city I now call home. Along the way I have grieved losses, celebrated new beginnings and have gained more than just weight. It seems the pounds I worked so hard to lose, were given my forwarding address. They showed up, resumed their positions, and left their bags under my eyes. How rude. They are unwanted guests... I plan on kicking them out this summer.
So, I would like to tell you the wisdom I have gained. Get comfy with a cuppa joe, sit back, and take what you want from my thoughts. Some thoughts may mean nothing to you now, but as you travel down the messy but beautiful road of life, they may be thoughts that will become treasures later. You may need to unpack them someday... when you will need to know somebody else knows exactly how you are feeling. Put them in your suitcase and save them for a rainy day.
I have learned that change breathes new life into many corners of our world. Change forces us out of our comfort zones, which is usually where we feel most alive. Our senses are heightened when we're uncomfortable, and excitement exudes through tackling new things and reaching the mountain peak. Change can bring joy, frustration, happiness, and sadness. It can invigorate us, and it can break us. Much of our responsive feelings depend upon our mindset. Are you heading for change? If so, pack your suitcase with positive thoughts... They will be needed later. You will believe whatever it is you are telling yourself, so be nice!
I have learned that grief is a living thing. It truly has a life of its own, and it is unpredictable. Grief is a strange thing full of contradictions. It can suffocate you, yet give life. It can be ugly, and it can be beautiful. Grief can be terribly isolating, yet comforting. Grief can show up as calm waters or tidal waves. Grief is real. It is necessary.
I have learned that I can be strong for my husband when he hears that his brother has died, but as soon as I hear my girlfriend's voice, I cry like a baby. I guess God gives us strength when we need to be strong for others, and sends girlfriends to be strong for us. It's a system that works well.
I like it.
I have learned that there truly are NO WORDS of comfort when in the depths of grief. People mean well, they really do... But I learned that, "I'm sorry," is much more comforting than most words.
I have learned that there is healing power in music and art. They are good for the soul.
I have learned that sometimes, our children will choose paths that differ from the dreams we have had for them. Grieve the loss of the dream, let go, and move on. Remember... Allow yourself to grieve
the loss of the dream first, then let go and move on. There is freedom for everyone when you let go and just enjoy them. Love them. Love them. Love them. It doesn't mean you will love their choices... It means you love your child.
I have learned that my children belong to God. Thankfully, I learned this 20 years ago, but as life has taken me into uncharted waters, it is always good to remind myself of this one! I have had to let go and give two of my children to the military. This Military Mama thing is a tough gig! It has taught me that there are times in life when my brain can be rational, but my heart cannot.
I have learned that I can relate to mama birds. When they push their little ones out of the nest, many thoughts of wonder travel through their minds. Will their new little wings work? Will their wings break? Will they be warm, have enough to eat, find new friends? Will they get lost? Will they ever find their way home? Mama Bird. That is me. I have a mama bird on my breakfast bar. She is tired. A little worn.
A little sad, a little chubby. But, she is strong. Reminds me of someone I know.
I have learned that there are many times I wish I was more like my kids... They are amazing people. They walk with confidence. They stand for what they believe and make no apologies about it. They are kind, forgiving, truthful, compassionate, and generous. I want to be more like them when I grow up.
I have learned that one of the most wonderful things in the world is knowing that my husband adores me. That gives me strength, confidence, and a feeling that is indescribable. It makes my heart glad, puts a dance in my step and a smile on my face.
As I look back on what I have learned, I notice that the theme is loss, grief, and letting go. These lessons gave me more gray hair, wrinkles, and pounds, but more important things came along the bumpy ride. I now have a new level of compassion. A new appreciation for joyful moments. A realization that sometimes, I forget to smile. Wow. That never used to happen! Although that makes me sad, it also makes me realize that everyone has a story. Their story may be the cause of fewer smiles. My new mission? To make others smile. For in doing so, my joy will be in abundance, and maybe my smiles will come more often.
So here's to life and all of its lessons. May we take the time to sit back, reflect on our journeys, and learn from every experience. May we grow up to be full of gray hair and wrinkles that we earned through joys, heartaches, weakness, and strength. May we find joy in the journey and love with abandon along the way.
