Conniptions

There is something that I don't handle well.

I never have, and tonight it was proven that I still do not...

at all.

What is it?

Vomit.

All of you moms out there know it comes with the territory; it's inevitable. It doesn't mean however, that we all handle it with the grace of June Cleaver.

Brynn, my 4 year-old was exhausted tonight. She suddenly complained of a stomach ache at bedtime. She is my fourth child, so my first instinct was to quickly say, "Do you feel like you're going to throw up?" Actually, it is quite amazing how just the thought of it makes me drop everything and turn in a flash, preparing to scoop up a queasy child, and sprint to the toilet. If there was an Olympic race of rushing sick kids to the bathroom, I'm sure I would be a contender for the gold. You see, cleaning up vomit is ... it's... well, I simply cannot convey how much I detest it.

So, after Brynn assured me she wasn't going to toss her cookies, I breathed a sigh of relief, chalked it up to exhaustion from starting a new school year, and tucked her in.

Right!

A few minutes later, I heard the pitter-patter of little feet scurrying down the hallway, followed by a weak, "Mommy?!" It is fascinating how a mother just knows things. I looked at Brynn and yelled, "Run to the toilet!!!!" She turned around and ran down the hall, vomiting all the way. She made the corner, and planted one last gigantic hurl in the bathroom. All the while, this tired, frazzled mom is yelling, "Nooooooooo!!!!!!!!!! Oh #*%#" Then there was 5 year-old Jack, making all sorts of disgusting sounds as he watched the entertainment in the hallway. I hollered at him to close the door and get in bed. Within the next two minutes he needed a band-aid and a glass of water, and.... "Can't you see what I am cleaning up?!," followed by, "I wouldn't ask Mommy for anything right now if I were you!"

Well, there you have it; the confessions of a mom who blew it. I could have handled the situation so much better. I was feeling really guilty about it, when something suddenly dawned on me. Every one of my kids have now witnessed one of my Vomit Conniptions. There was the time my son threw up over his bed. He was on the top bunk. Mmm Hmm. I know another involved a car; and then there was the new carpet. So, I decided that it is because of these conniptions, that my kids are now such good patients. You see, I'm a great nurse when there is a bucket, a can of Lysol, and Kleenex. The kids never even have to leave their beds! We have a great system down, and I stay calm as can be. June Cleaver would be proud!

As for the conniptions...

I'll be sure to pack terrific therapists' business cards in their suitcases when they head off on their own.